it was the three of us, out in the highlands, under the stars. i love meteor showers. i love any excuse to drive miles and miles to that little park up in the hills with ice cream and blankets and cameras. coyotes running up and down the driveways and little yellow windows all around. we could see the entire sky. talking about the kids in other galaxies looking right back at us. and there was one shooting star so huge and so long-lasting that my heart just stopped. there was nothing to wish for. i was everything in that moment.
you were back. i saw you in the ocean and i ran to you with the biggest smile on my face. i would not let you go. i could not let you go. your hair was cut short but your body felt exactly the same. ”i never died,” you said. ”i’m alive, i promise you.” i couldn’t stop kissing you, but it wasn’t romantic. i just wanted to be as close to you as i possibly could. i remember looking into your eyes like no other dream i’ve ever experienced. i remember every detail, every freckle and shade of blue. it couldn’t have just been a dream. you ARE alive, somewhere. your fearlessness inspires me every single day. your optimism runs through my veins more than anyone could ever understand. you will always be my hero, zalman. i love you with every inch of my being, with all my heart and soul. always.
of you and me slow dancing in my living room.. and I was wearing a wedding dress, and you had long brown hair, and we melted into each other until we were one. and I don’t know who you are, but it felt more right than any real moment i’ve ever experienced. please exist.
and maybe one day I’ll have hair to my waist and birds tattooed up and down my fragile spine, eyes like sapphires and lips as full as the moon; I will change my name to something far less romantic, and attachments will glide off my skin like water.
I began living on December 10, 2009.
that there are really only two types of people in this world: those who believe, and those who don’t.
I’m laying here writing this little letter with a zen-master cat curled up by my neck. The wind chimes are singing and the rain stopped. I feel so at peace. For the first time in my entire life, I carry zero fear and zero regret. I am no where but here, now. Life is so beautiful. I am a believer! Today the biggest, brightest rainbow I’ve ever seen in my entire life placed itself right above my house. I nearly cried it was SO divine. I’m really grateful when things like that happen. When you stop for a moment and just feel so overwhelmed by something so simple as color that time disappears and the moment becomes all there is. I want to live like that 100% of the time. I’m getting there slowly..
inspire people to create, to never give up on true love, to be open and honest and allow themselves to FEEL. This is why I am here; I am sure of it.
